Bad News...

So for those of you who don't know, I had a miscarriage last Friday. I actually started bleeding on Wednesday night, but the doctors told us not to worry unless I started bleeding really bad and I had cramps. At that point, I really did think that everything would be ok. Thursday night after Luis got off work we headed down to St George for Nate and Danae's wedding. When we stopped in Beaver for a potty break, I realized that I was bleeding a lot worse. This is when I realized that I was probably going to miscarry...although I still didn't want to lose hope. I cried all the way to St George and when we finally got there, we were told to see if we could wait till the morning to go to a doctor. Little did I know, in the morning my doctor that I used to go to refused to see me because she wasn't my primary caregiver. My mom was pretty ticked haha. I hadn't even seen my new doctor yet and I'd seen her two or three times!! We finally found a doctor who would see me, Dr. Clark. He was a really great guy:) At this point I was still bleeding pretty bad, but I didn't have cramps. He tried to do an ultrasound and couldn't really see anything so he sent me for a blood test and then sent me to get an intravaginal ultrasound. I know, sounds fun eh? It wasn't. After I got that done I was really frustrated because I had been at the doctor all day and still had no answers to what was going on in my body. That night I was still feeling ok and so I decided to go to Danae's endowment session. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I figured that even if I did miscarry, there was really nothing I could do about it. Plus I needed some comfort and the temple was the only place I wanted to be. About halfway through the session I started cramping pretty bad...this is the point when I knew for a fact that I was having a miscarriage, there was no doubt in my mind. I thought about leaving but I didn't want to. I just kept telling myself that everything would be ok and I could get through the session. I wanted to reach the celestial room. I wanted to be with my family in the celestial room. And ya know what? I made it! I was in a lot of pain...but I made it!! Haha everyone kept saying they were surprised that I came or that I was strong. Really all I kept thinking was that I wanted to be there. I wasn't there because I was strong, I was there because I knew I was weak and couldn't handle it on my own. Finally when the session was over I ran to the bathroom and realized that things were a lot worse. We came home and Luis had a message on his phone from the doctor's office saying I was RH- and that I needed to come and get a shot as soon as possible or I wouldn't be able to miscarry. I was in so much pain and so exhausted emotionally and physically that I just broke down. I couldn't believe it was happening. After I got the shot, I came home and finally passed the gestational sack. After that the cramps got a bit better and I was feeling a little bit better physically. I felt pretty bad that this happened the day before Nate's wedding but at the same time, I was really glad that I was around family. Luis and my mom took care of me, and I was surrounded by hugs and lots of people who love me. Even though it was sad and I was having a hard time, I was easily distracted by the wedding and how happy Nate was. I'm still sad sometimes, especially when I'm alone, but I know that I will see that baby again. I have been promised in my patriarchal blessing that I will have children and I know that I will. I am so glad to have that knowledge. Even though that body wasn't good enough for our baby, maybe the next one will be. I'm so thankful for Luis and for his amazing strength and testimony. I am so thankful for a husband and father who hold the priesthood and honor it. I'm also thankful for my mom, she loves me so much and is always there for me when I need her. She and Mandi came up and took care of me for a few days and made me dinners and kept me company. Mandi gave me tons of hugs and made me feel better by making me laugh. Ken, Emily, and Shaylie made us cookies and a care package. Niels and Kayla made us brownies and a card before they left on their cruise. And even though Nate and Danae were on their honeymoon, they came and hung out with us before they went home to St George. My family has been amazing, they are all so sweet and would do anything for me. Thank you for your love and support everyone, I couldn't get through this without all of you. I'm probably going to post about Nate and Danae's wedding this weekend. I didn't quite have enough time in this post haha.